Life Days
by mickeymcp
Summary: A short story looking at three different Life Days. Young Solasta Dinn as she grew up on Ord Mantell, Solasta and Gursan on the eve of the Alliance Commander's visit to Ossus, and a new direction for Aissa.


~~ Life Day That Was ~~

Solasta woke and sat up, shook her long brown hair free before gathering a handful and tying it into a ponytail with the length of purple ribbon that was on her nightstand. Stretching her arms over her head, she thought morning would never come after a fitful night of sleep where every roll, twist, or stretch to find a comfortable position woke her each time she began sinking deep into sleep.

The anticipation of morning had been unbearable, but she was certain there was no mistaking what she wanted this year after repeatedly pausing the holo on the Corellian Shopping Network's discount section and highlighting the ocean blue long-sleeved outfit and knee length skirt. At meals she had talked endlessly about how the other girls at school had stopped wearing the shapeless grey and brown juvenile outfits they had all grown up in and now wore colourful, young woman female styles. She knew that she had left more than enough clues and hints at what she wanted this Life Day, and Dad said that he had something special for her this year, so she could not stop herself from feeling giddy and light.

Standing and gathering her housecoat around herself, she made her way to the common room of their small bungalow where strong smells of caffa and breakfast met her. On the low table in the center of the room was a small Life Day tree, a sparse thin-branched bush that was native to Ord Mantell that they transplanted from their yard since they could not afford the more common Life Day holo trees, and the few gifts that had appeared overnight, laid neatly arranged beneath. Making her way past the table she craned her neck to see the which present was for her and raised an eyebrow at the thin rectangular box wrapped in shiny gold paper with her name elegantly penned upon it.

 _"That's too thin and small to be... maybe it's just the pickup chit for me to collect it from the depot,"_ she thought as she rounded the corner and stepped into the kitchen to the site of her father placing the morning meal onto a large tray.

"Good morning, Private Dinn," said Sandoval Dinn without looking up from the tray he was loading, "Go wake your mother and we'll eat while we open our gifts."

Even so many years after retirement from the Republic Navy, her father's words still carried a tone of command that made any request sound like an order, so she turned on her heels and headed to rouse her mother from sleep. When she returned with her mother, still yawning after having been coaxed from bed by Solasta's urging, her father had set their places on the center-table and was pouring caffa.

"Can we open our Life Day presents before we eat?" eagerly asked Solasta, sitting herself on the floor and next to the plate closest to her gift.

Aisii exchanged a glance with Sandoval, he grinned and gave a subtle nod, and she said, "Of course you may. Now this may not be exactly what you were expecting."

Solasta stopped listening after the words _'you may'_ and excitedly tore at the wrapping of her gift until she held a datapad in her hand. Pressing the power button – her heart pounding in her chest as it lit up – she drew a blank expression at the Republic Trust datapage that listed a twenty-five thousand credit Trust Bond that was opened in her name. Looking up at her parents, mouth slight agape and a stunned expression on her face. "I... I don't understand?" she stammered.

Sandoval beamed a wide grin and in an uncharacteristically light-hearted tone said, "It's not much now, but it will grow with time and interest, and we can add too it as well. This will ensure you have the credits to go someplace nice once you graduate. That young cathar boy you are tutoring in mathematics is talking about going to Coruscant and you could go there too, if you want."

Solasta looked back at the datapad, crinkled her nose, and looked back at her father. He seldom smiled but today he beamed, his usual furrowed brow and hard penetrating stare gave way to a warmth she had rarely seen and she didn't have the heart to take this from him. Standing she moved to her father and hugged him tightly, saying "Thank you. I'm going to put this in my room."

Collecting the datapad, she walked to room. Slowly at first, but her pace quickened with every step until she was nearly running by time she stepped inside her doorway and closed it behind her. Throwing herself down on her bed, she pulled a pillow over her face to stifle the thick sobs and mewls of her pained bawling.

The gentle knocks on her daughter's door went unanswered, so Aisii unlatched the handle and quietly let herself in and watched as Solasta rolled on her side to place her back towards the door. Sitting on the bed next her, the shudders of her body and quick gulps of air from hyperventilation confirmed the devastation. Aisii gently rubbed her shoulder and spoke softly, "I know your heart was set on that dress, but your father doesn't understand the need of fashion – the man still insists that all his clothes be exactly the same for the sake of simplicity and having worn uniforms for nearly seventy years."

Solasta sat up, eyes swollen, and the fur of her cheeks matted with tear stains, and between gasps of breath said, "I found… I found the cheapest dress I could – the… the cheapest without it looking like the trash from Nar Shadda. I'm sixteen seasons old now and still dress like I'm a child. The other girls at school remind me of this everyday – my life is ruined!"

Aisii swept the few loose strands of hair behind Solasta's ear and said, "Your father wants to be sure what we spend goes to good use and _we_ both want there to be enough credits to send you to a good university once you're done school."

Solasta _chuffed_ loudly and said, "Maybe I won't go to university. What if I just enlist in the Republic Military for my education and give that fund away to the Mantellian Refugee Fund?"

Taking Solasta by the chin, Aisii gently turned her face until they looked each other in the eyes – something that Solasta instinctively disliked as a challenge but accepted because it meant a great deal to her mother to make a face-to-face connection. "Your father does not want you to join the military. Neither him, or I, want you to live the life we lived. But, if you feel that is your path and wish to give away what we leave you... well, there is nothing noblier than to give of yourself to those less fortunate."

~~ Life Day That Is ~~

Rolling over to face Gursan, Solasta pulled herself to him and purred contently as she buried her face against his chest and drank in his scent. His deep rhythmic breaths, steady as the waves on Rishi lapping the shore, broke as he hefted one arm over her, pulled her closer, and asked, "What?" before placing a kiss on the top of her head.

Pulling herself into a ball, Gursan brought his knees up and enveloped her body with his, and she was secure in his protection. Any self-consciousness about her height being too close to a male cathar, or the average human, always melted away as her husband's embrace overshadowed her. Kissing his neck in response, she said, "Nothing. I'm just happy to be here in your arms."

Gursan squeezed her a little tighter and relaxed again. "Happy Life Day, Hellcat," he whispered in the dark, "What did we get Aissa?"

"Nothing yet. All my time has been consumed by the security planning for Odessen while the Commander's away on Dantooine and her trip to Ossus, and this new development with Theron's return to service has needed my precise attention. Aissa is still too young to really understand the day and your parents are going to spoil her rotten already based on the mountain of gifts under their Life Day Tree, so she won't even notice if we get her– "

The sounds of small, light, footsteps padding into their room silenced them both, and a moment later the mostly not-very-stealthy sounds of their daughter climbing the bed had them holding in their laughter as she tumbled roughly over them and wiggled her body between theirs – Gursan relenting with a shift of his torso to make a gap.

Sitting between them, Aissa purred contently as she playfully tossed the small Manka Cat toy in the air and caught it between her claws.

"ljatu vas tras – ot iyi'roriz a' ri ona, _[Careful with that – it belonged to your sister,]"_ whispered Solasta as she tucked loose strands of Aissa's straight black-haired bangs behind her ear.

Aissa quizzically cocked her head to the left, and asked, "Ona?"

A heavy sigh came from Gursan before he said, "Don't fill her head with thoughts of a sister. We will never see Alayna again and the Jedi Instructors have long broken any of her thoughts of us."

Solasta chuffed quietly in the darkened room.

"You know I'm right, so don't even think about sulking."

"I know you are right. That's not what's wrong. I just realized that I didn't get you anything for Life Day either."

"In an entire galaxy filled with stars, all I need is you," whispered Gursan before kissing Solasta's forehead.

"In a galaxy filled with stars, yours is the beacon that guides me home," she answered.

" _Only one? What about the other beacon in your life? Have we forgotten him so quickly?"_ taunted the child's voice in her head.

~~ Life Day To Be ~~

Alayna caught her breath and waited until her heartbeat slowed and she felt her composure return before pressing the door chime. If she had felt any trepidation when she first showed up at this door the month before, today held a conflicted mix of joy, pride, and sorrow. She was about to press the chime a second time when she felt the familiar presence approach the other side of the door a moment before it unlatched and slide open.

Aissa stood before her, and beckoning Alayna inside, they walked to the sitting room that was directly across from the main hallway.

"I was expecting your See-Two droid," said Alayna as she looked around and noticed the walls were bare, the paintings and trophies removed, and the furniture that had filled the adjacent rooms was all gone.

Aissa shrugged and said, "I know whatever you have come to tell me, one way or another, I am leaving this place."

"So, if the Jedi haven't accepted you to the temple to train you have plans to leave?"

"I cannot– will not stay in this apartment where both my parents have died," Aissa's tone steadfast and sure as she sat on the solitary couch that remained in the small room.

Sitting beside Aissa, Alayna carefully smoothed out the tan and beige Jedi robe that she wore before saying, "You do not need to stay here. The Masters who tested you have decided that you are to be trained. They sensed a strength in your character that will serve you as a Jedi Shadow."

"Will you be there? At the temple?"

Sensing Aissa's anxiety, Alayna placed her hand on her sister's shoulder. "I will be at the library, where my place is. It may be a while before we see each other again, but in time you will come there to study and we can speak. The important thing is you will have a home among the Order and family across the galaxy, much larger and diverse than you could have ever imagined."

Tucking the long bangs of her jet-black hair behind her ears, Aissa sat quietly for a few seconds and stared blankly at the wall across from her.

Alayna finally spoke, her voice gentle and soft, "There's no rush. We can go whenever you're ready. Today, tomorrow, next week - it's entirely up to you."

Blinking and finding her focus, Aissa turned face Alayna with a wide grin on her face. "I am ready now. Life Day is as good as any day to start a fresh life."

"That's a good way to look at it and- " said Alayna, pausing unexpectedly as a sudden anxiousness came over her, "before we go, as much as it pains you, could you tell me what became of Mom?" She was prepared to accept this could be too painful for Aissa to relive and she may leave without any answers. Aissa forced a stoic facade that didn't hide her distress through the Force and Alayna's years of Jedi training melted away and she could not be detached from the pain she sensed from her sister, or the pain she felt in her own heart. Taking Aissa's hand in her own, Alayna's voice dropped to a whisper, "I understand if you don't. Just... Just, I've spent my life wondering what things would have been like if they didn't have to give me up, and now that both she and Dad are gone..."

Clearing her throat, Aissa's voice still faltered as she began, "When I was still a kii [ _child_ ], mother began to forget things. Little and insignificant things, like where she put a datapad, appointments, or conversations. Once, she even forgot the way to school when we were still on Odessen and joked about how much she had on her mind. I was too young and didn't understand, but I did enjoy missing classes those days she would forget to walk me to school and I could spend the day with her in the secured area on Odessen. When Father began to notice, he insisted she see the Medics and there were tests. There were _SO_ many tests, but they never found anything to explain what was happening to her, and it wasn't long before it progressed and she couldn't hide it anymore. Finally she had to retire and we moved here.

Not long after that, Mother began speaking to herself. Well, openly carry on conversations with herself or her reflection in mirrors. Eventually, she admitted there were voices in her head that had spoke to her for years. Old friends from when she grew up on Ord Mantel, who were long dead, her mother, old Havoc Squad members, and some people we could never identify; taunting and teasing her. Father blamed himself. Blamed his wedding gift to her. Some Sith helmet that he had commissioned into a piece of armor for her that he figured held some dark echo that poisoned her mind but Uncle Devin couldn't find any traces of a Force signature that might be responsible. Father had it destroyed all the same.

For a period Aunt Mags and some Jedi Healers could calm her mind using the Force but eventually she would get lost in memories, reliving the Jedi taking you away or Sith she had encountered while serving the Republic or the Alliance. This could outrage her on particularly bad days, or on a good day, simply make her distrustful of Force users to the point of paranoia. So, visits from anyone who was a Jedi stopped. Realizing she was losing herself brought her and father closer together- the only bright spot in any of this. They promised there would be no surprises and would speak for hours about every little thing she could think of sharing and she bared her soul to him. To both of us. On the days she was lost to us, father kept a diary of things she would say; people or places she talked about that they hadn't already discussed, and during her lucid periods he'd try to learn more. Eventually, the stretches of lucidity became fewer and shorter in duration and father would spend days just waiting for her _true_ self to surface, only to have her slip away again. Often mid-sentence or sometimes just out of the blue, her expression would go blank and she'd ask who we were or where she was.

It wasn't long after that she lost the ability to filter her thoughts, so she would share openly whatever came to mind- often to our horror and embarrassment, and friends stopped visiting to see how she was. Sometimes she seemed completely unable to control herself, but throughout it all father remained strong, patient, and unbelievably gentle with her. Regardless of how vicious her words were, or a couple times, how physically abusive she could become if she lost control, father just bore her frustrations without ever complaining once. The Republic's Veterans Med-Facility offered to take her under their care, but he refused saying... saying that he... he promised," Aissa's voice became a rasp as fat tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheek, leaving a dark streak in her fur where they were sopped up. Despite the suffering Alayna could sense in Aissa, a small sliver of joy took root in her core and a rough, ugly trill of laughter escaped her lips as she continued, "that he promised, no matter what, he would always 'have her six', but that doesn't make any sense- he was a vanguard and would have always led _not_ followed her."

Alayna put her arm around her sister and pulled her into the warm safety of her embrace, letting Aissa mewl and bawl so she could release all her pent up sorrow before beginning her journey on the Light Side, saying, "Perhaps it was the only way Dad could express his love and commitment to her."

 _A/N: Revisions to 'Life Day to Be' were inspired by Mumford and Sons song 'Slip Away' (Delta) to capture Aissa and Gursan's perspective of Solasta's illness. It has been pointed this was never given sufficient explanation in this or my other stories. From the description given by Aissa, it should be clear what we know this to be and is to honour a great man with a brilliant mind we lost in 2018 after he became lost himself. Rest easy George._


End file.
